The weather, that oppressive heat, has been really bad where I am in New England. Extreme heat warnings are everywhere. Of course, it would be New England who is destined to have shitty weather, no matter the season.
The heat will mess with you in subtle ways. It becomes hard to get comfortable, as even if you escape into the cool air, sweat dries to your skin and makes you feel sticky and gross. You can only take a shower so many times until you might as well find a pool or a beach to let the water wash you away.
Still, as a trans person, its found its own mildly infuriating way to annoy me. While I’ve tried to distance myself from it already, I’ve grown attached to covering up as much skin as the weather will warrant. That is a half lie though— before I was out to my family, my parents would ridicule me for once getting a heat rash due to wearing a hoodie in 80°F weather. Which... yeah thats a thing I regret doing. At that same time, that reasoning has a context.
And yet, this weather has also pushed me to extend my boundaries and do things I wouldn’t have done otherwise. Over the weekend, I bought my first women’s swimsuit (since I can’t go shirtless now that I have tits...), which I’ll wear to a pool party I have with hometown friends at the end of the week.
Transition is still difficult, though. More and more, I fear that exposing my skin, letting people see my (now mid-transition) body has made people see me as something degenerate. A freak. Something that doesn’t fit in like a normal person. A problem, one you may not want to associate with.
There isn’t much I can do but ignore those voices. I see the way people look at me, I notice the ways my family talks about it. They always ignore that premise, but their words trace a clear picture around it.
I pray to the gods that this sentiment isn’t going to be an issue that dominates my summer season.
Regardless, this has been your’s, ephesusmoon.